identity crisis

she staggers around in her six-inch heels
leaving lipstick stains on her shot glass
slurring about how she feels like she's soaring but she can't feel her face
yet somehow she makes it home every night,
but she never lets anyone know how broken she feels
because she knows that there's no one left to pick up the pieces.

her morning ritual is advil and coffee and pain
but like a moth to a flame
the bright lights draw her back every weekend
because life never feels as lonely in the midst of a crowd

he's a creatine
gym machine
all hard lines and clenched muscles
a boy with a punch
the boy we can always count on for a fight
he's a 2nd string linebacker and a first string slacker
always late to school
always too cool
and the only time when he feels whole is when he's got a book in front of him.

his days pass in a smoke-filled blur
and his nights are black lights and bad dancing
and he would rather be writing than gyrating with the masses
but someone once told him that men can't be vulnerable
they aren't allowed to be soft or emotional or, heaven forbid, poetic
better not to let your guard down
and I heard that chicks like bad boys

they're charming,
rambunctious
always good for a laugh or two
the center of attention in every class they're in
they're shaking hands under desks as they deliver yet another punchline
and the only time that the bricks on their chests are ever lifted
is when they're too high to even care

their nights are dark thoughts and panic attacks
keeping attention on their teeth where everything sounds good
but behind the tongue there's something rotting in their brain
the words that they've held captive for so long,
but they have been told that the only way to fit in
is the hide behind the laughter that keeps them coming back for more.

these are the bridges between yourself and destruction,
and each brick is the place where the artist was told to consider a more sensible career,
where the 4.0 students was told that their A- was synonymous with failure
where the dreamer was told to stop reaching for things they'll never achieve
and one day it all comes falling down
because when the outsides and the insides don't fit
when that essential part of you goes missing,

that is when

you

 lose 

yourself