drawn curtains

she shouts her opinions from the rooftops
entrapping the sky as her captive audience
this is her world
and she will have it

she smashes her fist into cruelty,
unaffected
stomping out pain
with her steel toed boots

her voice is loud
she will never not be heard
but in her own mind
the silence is suffocating

life's a stage and she's a star performer
act like nothing's wrong
paint on a smile they'll see from the nosebleeds
don't let them see you sweat

they say eyes are the windows to the soul
but she has her curtains drawn
her mind is an abandoned playground
her cheeks hollow in the moonlight
but as long as her make-up covers the bags beneath her eyes
she'll keep going
going

but if you take a moment to look inside
you'll see how their words stop her in tracks
and how at night everything
               
                       comes
                            crashing
                                     down

she is alone.

but you were too busy admiring the drapes

all you need is (self) love

this year
I fell in love

it was magical
unexpected
the life-altering, earth shaking type of affair

this year I fell in love
not with the boy that wears the beanie in my fourth period class
or the sweet talking barista that memorized my order at beans & brew
not with the guitar player or the study buddy or even the boy who took my breath away
and definitely not with the jock swaggering down the 100 hall

they say when you fall in love it's like you're wearing rose colored glasses
like the sun shines just a little bit brighter and the birds sing just for you
but this love of mine?
it shattered the lenses of the glasses I've worn my whole life
destroyed the frames
canceled the prescription


20/20 vision's never felt so good
because this year was the year

I fell in love with myself

and my sight has never been clearer

I am a terrible dancer
I hold grudges longer than I should
I don't have the best hair
I use sarcasm far too liberally
I procrastinate (a lot)
I beat myself up over everything

but

I am passionate
I am strong
I am capable
I am talented
I am loyal
I am enough

I love the gap between my teeth and the freckles on my nose
I love the way I always pronounce words wrong that I learned from reading the books on my shelf
I love my awkward dance moves and my opinionated mouth
I love the every imperfection and flaw and all the terrible things that come with being human

this year I fell in love
it's not the type of love that nicholas sparks would write about
there's no dashing hero that pieces together my fragmented heart
but it's the type of love that saves you
that saved me

this love is deeper than that
it's life-sustaining
this love is happiness
this love is acceptance
this love is everything

love is a big word, but I think I've found it within myself

because I am me
and that's enough

and so are you

note: i highly encourage ya'll to go check out the blog post that inspired this new year's resolution here