i am not scared of the police
because i was born with the proper armor
forget chainmail or helmets
who needs that when your protection is a part of you
embedded in my very exterior
a part of the skin i wear
how strange it is that something as simple as a color can be the difference between
life
or
death
how strange it is that our hearts all beat
our lungs all breathe
we all have blood running in our veins
yet
it is the sheath of our soul that determines our worth
how strange it is
that due process only applies
for the athlete turned rapist
the lone wolf turned shooter
never the father selling cigarettes
or the man pulling out his license
or the child on the playground fiddling with a toy gun
of course all lives matter.
but when you break a bone
you focus on the fracture
never do you find the doctor saying
"all bones matter"
of course all bones matter
but it's time to take care of the one that's hurting
i am not scared of the police
because i was born with the proper armor
but i will not rest easy in my protection
i know my brothers and sisters are strong enough to fight on their own
they've overcome mountains taller than the summit of everest
endured storms more violent than the gales of bermuda
they've been chained and broken and stepped upon
and still
like air
they rise
so i will not call myself helpless
i will not stay silent
because
black lives matter
black lives matter
black lives matter
Thursday, July 7, 2016
Thursday, December 10, 2015
jonathan
depression is a lonely place
like a dilapidated shack in the middle of the woods
no neighbors to speak of
not a soul to be seen
just you
and the trees
their branches looking more and more like monsters each day
you try to run
try to scream
but you can't escape the house inside your mind
i wish you would've peered through the curtains
unlatched the window
and seen the sun shining in the sky
there's a house next door with smoke coming out the chimney
and one around the bend containing the smiling faces of your family
if you'd just look a little farther
you'd see
but i understand
it's hard to look very far while you're shackled to a chair
in the house inside your mind
doctors are for healing yet they couldn't heal you
diagnose
prescribe
repeat
but no matter what they did
you remained trapped
bound to your disease
with no end in sight
so you found the only escape route you could think of
free from your chains at last
but i wish you could've seen the sun shining in the sky
and seen the love radiating from your family's every pore
however
i know it's not that easy
shackles can't be broken with bare hands
still
i wish i could see you smile one more time.
but now you'll never feel the darkness again
say hi to grandma for me
and my sister
in the meantime
we'll live for you
i'll see you again someday
i know you'll be smiling
12.10.15
like a dilapidated shack in the middle of the woods
no neighbors to speak of
not a soul to be seen
just you
and the trees
their branches looking more and more like monsters each day
you try to run
try to scream
but you can't escape the house inside your mind
i wish you would've peered through the curtains
unlatched the window
and seen the sun shining in the sky
there's a house next door with smoke coming out the chimney
and one around the bend containing the smiling faces of your family
if you'd just look a little farther
you'd see
but i understand
it's hard to look very far while you're shackled to a chair
in the house inside your mind
doctors are for healing yet they couldn't heal you
diagnose
prescribe
repeat
but no matter what they did
you remained trapped
bound to your disease
with no end in sight
so you found the only escape route you could think of
free from your chains at last
but i wish you could've seen the sun shining in the sky
and seen the love radiating from your family's every pore
however
i know it's not that easy
shackles can't be broken with bare hands
still
i wish i could see you smile one more time.
but now you'll never feel the darkness again
say hi to grandma for me
and my sister
in the meantime
we'll live for you
i'll see you again someday
i know you'll be smiling
12.10.15
Tuesday, December 1, 2015
Progress
Her friend asks, "How do you know when you're over him?"
"I think," she says, "it's when you stop remembering the little things he'd do to make you smile, or how you'd fall asleep with the phone at your ear, talking about nothing and everything at once. It's when your stomach stops dropping at the sound of his favorite song on the radio, or when you can watch his favorite movie without imagining him there beside you."
"It's when you feel indifferent at the thought of him, when the only thought you have when your mother mentions him is to hope he's doing well. It's when the sweatshirt he left on the chair in your room stops suffocating you in your sleep, and when you stop wishing he was there whenever it's 11:11."
"Instead," she breathes, a small smiling gracing her lips, "it's when you start to wish for your own happiness, for unsolicited smiles that have nothing to do with the thought of him."
"So, have you gotten over him?"
She pauses for a moment, biting her lip as she considers this.
"Well," she replies, "not really. But I'm getting there."
"I'll be there soon, I think."
Saturday, November 14, 2015
the new drug
she watched you take him away
slowly
slowly
so slowly she didn't notice until it was too late
the signs were just whispers
when they should have been screams
late nights staring at the computer screen
the bright light glazing his eyes
like a sheet of ice on a winter morning
she thought the frost would thaw eventually
but you managed to chill him to the bone
with the click of an ad
"sexy girls here"
you dragged him down into abyss
his eyes were open and he was seeing
not her
never her
but you
in all your glory
fantasizing over an image that she could never attain
taking in the curves of a girl so young she could be his daughter
watching as you gave him everything that she never could
and it was easy for him to get lost in your illusion
because like a drug
you pulled him in
and like a drug
you shackled him
and she watched as he stopped seeing her
she cried as he stopped holding her
because when he looked at her
he thought of you
and all the ways she didn't measure up
because who needs love and all of its pesky little flaws
who needs short tempers and bad hair days and dirty kitchens
when there's you
always waiting
perfectly photoshopped
always having a good time
and unlike her,
when he's tired of you,
he can simply click another link
because who needs love
when you can have a lie
he's off chasing something that isn't even real
leaving her in the dust
dissatisfied
disenchanted
because her reality didn't fit his fantasy
the fantasy that you fed him
the fantasy that changed him
because like a drug
you pulled him in
and like a drug
you shackled him
and like a fool
he believed you.
Thursday, September 17, 2015
the girl i want to be
sweet like honey and just as smooth
with a smile painted on porcelain cheeks
don't swear, don't argue, don't be so crude
after all, that's not what a lady would do.
beautiful in an effortless way
with hair that falls in curtains of silk
lips like roses and eyes like the stars
you tell her she's the prettiest thing you've ever seen
no need for make-up, she's the epitome of perfection
she smiles underneath the foundation she wears like a shield
wary, alert
she knows how this could end
because you'll run at the slightest chink in the armor
meek like a lamb with a domestic little heart
a welcome sight after a long day at the office
with glitter in her mind and vacant lips
you know she'll always be there waiting for you
demure and harmless and sugary sweet
she's not a threat
you still rule sovereign
you've nothing to fear
but we are done being sweet and beautiful and meek
done being a doll to store on the shelf
not a damsel in distress
nor a flimsy paper boat
but stronger, much stronger
we're so much more
i want to be ferocious and wild and free
call me clever before complimenting my eyes
don't drink in my figure but the fire in my gaze
because trust me
there's so much more than what you see
and if i want to be pretty, it's not for you
my beauty will be powerful, not frilly and weak
because i alone am the master of my self
And i'll choose the kind of girl i want to be.
with a smile painted on porcelain cheeks
don't swear, don't argue, don't be so crude
after all, that's not what a lady would do.
beautiful in an effortless way
with hair that falls in curtains of silk
lips like roses and eyes like the stars
you tell her she's the prettiest thing you've ever seen
no need for make-up, she's the epitome of perfection
she smiles underneath the foundation she wears like a shield
wary, alert
she knows how this could end
because you'll run at the slightest chink in the armor
meek like a lamb with a domestic little heart
a welcome sight after a long day at the office
with glitter in her mind and vacant lips
you know she'll always be there waiting for you
demure and harmless and sugary sweet
she's not a threat
you still rule sovereign
you've nothing to fear
but we are done being sweet and beautiful and meek
done being a doll to store on the shelf
not a damsel in distress
nor a flimsy paper boat
but stronger, much stronger
we're so much more
i want to be ferocious and wild and free
call me clever before complimenting my eyes
don't drink in my figure but the fire in my gaze
because trust me
there's so much more than what you see
and if i want to be pretty, it's not for you
my beauty will be powerful, not frilly and weak
because i alone am the master of my self
And i'll choose the kind of girl i want to be.
Sunday, September 13, 2015
burning
she burned and burned until there was nothing left
just scattered ashes
in the shameful breeze
and you watched as the flames licked the night sky
not speaking
not moving
not listening
just watching
because her destruction
warmed your ice-cold soul
Friday, September 11, 2015
i choose to rise
things aren't how i thought they'd be
i was always the girl with a plan
the one who knew what she wanted from life
and exactly how she was going to get there
always carrying an extra pen
always ready for that pop quiz
always a proud mother's facebook post
and a loving father's water-cooler brag,
and always good for a witty remark or two
step 1:
step 2: save the world
step 3:
never took much time for the prologue
or the epilogue
but now i'm thinking maybe i should have
because life isn't like a game of the sims on the computer
there's no second chances
or do-overs
no game over just to start right back where you started
there's no master controller
no matter how hard i try
because life is just one big unknown
a river running in one direction
and you either swim
or drown
i've spent enough time lamenting what might have been
and cursing whoever's pulling the strings up there
today i choose to take what i'm given
and run with the wind at my back
because everyday the sun rises without fail
and so will i
i was always the girl with a plan
the one who knew what she wanted from life
and exactly how she was going to get there
always carrying an extra pen
always ready for that pop quiz
always a proud mother's facebook post
and a loving father's water-cooler brag,
and always good for a witty remark or two
step 1:
step 2: save the world
step 3:
never took much time for the prologue
or the epilogue
but now i'm thinking maybe i should have
because life isn't like a game of the sims on the computer
there's no second chances
or do-overs
no game over just to start right back where you started
there's no master controller
no matter how hard i try
because life is just one big unknown
a river running in one direction
and you either swim
or drown
i've spent enough time lamenting what might have been
and cursing whoever's pulling the strings up there
today i choose to take what i'm given
and run with the wind at my back
because everyday the sun rises without fail
and so will i
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